Why Is It This Way

Why Is It This Way?

Why is it that this life is so inescapable?
Why can’t I run away?
Why do I have pain & sorrow, regret & shame?

Why do I love you?
I hate you!
I thought I hated you
But now here I am madly, deeply, uncontrollably in love with you

Why is it that when I cry it’s only because of you?
Or when I sing or dream I only think of you?
That when I lay in bed there is only the image of you?
Your smile, your laugh, & all the silly things I see you do?
Though there is never a word spoken I will always
uncontrollably love you, dream of you, have my heart beat for you?
Though even as it beats each time for you…

….beat, beat….thump, thump
it breaks for you too…
….break, break….crack, crack

The feeling is painful.
I can’t take it anymore
I can’t take the crying.
I can’t take that the one thing I want the most I can’t have.
I want this feeling to go away
Maybe it will when you leave
When I never see you again
Maybe the pain, the sorrow, the regret, & the shame will all just go away.
The feelings, the crying, the beating, & the breaking will all just go away.
Because I can’t take this anymore.
The taste of salty tears that fall into my mouth,
The sound of my shattering heart whenever you’re around.
The feeling of painfulness everywhere I go.
I can’t take it anymore
It’s eating me alive
I can’t take loving you
But I guess I have to deal with this UNCONTOLLABLE LOVE
because no matter what I do I still say I love you even with the uncontrollable pain.
Though each time I say I do love you I wish it wasn’t true
I wish there was someway you knew how much I uncontrollably love you.
Each time I think of you and how I love you I smile but them I wish I wish it wasn’t true.
And I wonder

what did I do?
What did I say?
Why is it this way?